Lego® World Domination… Revisited

January 27, 2012

You may remember my original (and slightly more hysterical) post about Lego’s plans for world domination, but for you Pollyanna’s who think conspiracy theories are only for lonely, depraved, fanatical and paranoid people, I’ve got MORE NEWS for you. This @#$! is getting even more seriouser!!

Check this @#$! out!

I already told you about those crazy Danes and their bloodlust. Well, I can see it aaaaaallll coming together now!

First they recruit regular street artists to plant the Lego craze in the subconscious of the public as they’re doing regular street stuff!

Then they have the scientists create remote control (Artificial Intelligence!!!) technology for your “cute little ‘ole I’m-not-doing-anything-but-sitting-here-peacefully Lego toys”. BWAHAHAHA!!!

Next thing you know, they are making our biologically engineered food for us (to control our brains–here) and taking over Christmas. CHRISTMAS, for @#$! SAKE!!!! (here, here and HERE!!!).

But is that ALL??? You can bet your soon-to-be-Lego-domintaed-butt it is NOT!!! The casualties are already surfacing. This poor Navy man, so bombarded by Lego propaganda… is now a Lego hoarder. Do you see now what the Danes are doing to our military??? DO YOU SEE IT?!?!

They are also recruiting our kids for mass brainwashing. These young Canucks were brainwashed into thinking they were sending their Lego man into the atmosphere, but he did more than float around with a balloon and capture ariel shots of Earth from near-space. He manipulated your mind with Lego waves. I won’t be surprised if they change the national anthem lyrics: “In beautiful and spacious skies, to Lego wave your brain.” Everyone who is not listening to me will go to Lego Hell! And when you do get brainwashed, the Lego’s will write it down in their LEGO JOURNALS!!! Read the title of the article, big guy. It’s not “A Lego-Compatible Moleskine Journal to PEACE and LOVE!” No, it’s “A Lego-Compatible Moleskine Journal to Devise Secret, Brick-Based Schemes”. SCHEMES!!!! SECRET SCHEMES!!! [see LEGO JOURNALS!!! above]

But whetever. Do what you want. What you DON’T do, is don’t say I didn’t warn you. When the plastic comes down, when the bricks hit the fan, I will be ready and hunkered down in my non-Lego hole, and you will be LEGO TOAST!

Suckas…

(On the other hand, it is okay to own these Lord of the Rings Lego characters. Oh. My. GODDESS!!! Gimli!!!! You must see the Gimli!!!) :D

 

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7 comments on “Lego® World Domination… Revisited

  1. Eilene says:

    WOW!… I want some of what your on. ;-P

  2. Eilene says:

    oops! *you’re*… maybe I need to be the one sharing. Haha!

  3. Brian says:

    Holy plastic-brick-conspiracies! Someone needs to call Adam West immediately!!!

    XD

  4. Dawson says:

    We need to start a screenplay:

    “NIGHT OF THE LEGO DEAD”

    FADE IN:

    As the tide at Malibu Beach rolls out we see the remains of a Huge washed out Sand Castle. As the waves recede more there is the hull of a giant old plastic ship.

    NEW ANGLE:

    We see a large plastic Jolly Roger flag unfurl from the Mast. We crane down to see this is a Half-buried-in-the-sand LEGO PIRATE SHIP. We see many Human Size plastic LEGO ZOMBIE PIRATES rising from their Sandy Graves holding Swords and Flint Lock Pistols.

    NEW ANGLE: We see 2 of the Human Sized Lego Zombie Pirates rise carrying a Treasure Chest. The 2 Lego Zombie Pirates begin walking up Malibu Beach. One trips over some Drift Wood and falls with his end of the Chest dropping to the Beach.

    CLOSE UP: Look of Horror on 1ST PIRATE’S Face.

    MEDIUM SHOT: Look of Terror on 2ND PIRATE’S Face as he swings to hold his handle on the Treasure Chest with both his Lego Hands.

    NEW ANGLE: We pull back the camera to see the 2 Lego Zombie Pirates with dangling Chest, 1st one fallen on the Beach, the 2nd trying to hold up his end of the Treasure Chest. We freeze camera there (a Beat) and the LID to the Chest POPS OPEN. 2nd Lego Zombie Pirate also DROPS his end of the Chest to the Malibu Beach as a TEAL CLOUD comes smoking out with SUBTITLES.

    SUBTITLES:

    LEGO’S HIDDEN TREASURE OF PANDORA’S BOX CONTAINING ALL OF THE LEGO ZOMBIE PLASTIC TROUBLES OF THE WORLD HAS NOW ESCAPED INTO THE WHOLE WIDE LEGO FREAKIN’ WORLD, DECEMBER 21ST, 2012 IN THE YEAR OF OUR LEGO LORD.

    NEW ANGLE: Your Turn…

  5. Lydia Lee says:

    Ha!! I think you’re onto something Dawson! :D

  6. Dawson says:

    I’m only “onto something” if I can interest someone into picking up the next scene of the thread.

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